Love is the Answer

"Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?"

      This summer at Camp WOW we read (part of) a book called "50 Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die". So many times throughout that Bible study this Jack Johnson song came into my head. Always my faith gets tested by the simple question of "Why?". Of course I wonder why the world is so bad, why bad things happen to good people, why good things happen to bad people. I also wonder why we get so little say in being created "God, I don't remember asking you to create me and yet here I am. I did not ask to be put into a world of sin. I did not ask for my parents and their problems, my culture and its sicknesses and definitely not my own feeble mind and body and its shortcomings. But I'm here. Why?" 

      I am human, and as stated I am weak and feeble minded. But here is what I have learned: God loves me. Jesus died because I was born into this sick world, unable to make it or myself well. It seems illogical that you HAVE to believe in Christ, even if you are what you call a "good person" to receive Heaven. But it is actually insane to think that you could be good enough to earn Heaven. Take a look at yourself. Even on my very best days, I am selfish, unreliable, petty, prideful and the list goes on. So why did God even create me, if this is the sick state I was born into? Because he loves me. He loved me when he created the heavens, when he created earth. He loved me with agape love, a love that I can hardly even grasp. If you had a child that you knew would do wrong, that you knew would hate you at times, that would give you a hard time and cause you pain, would you just decide it wasn't worth it and get rid of it? I don't think you would. How much more does God love us? We have despised and hated him at times; I know I have. We have turned away, fallen short of his glory. But he does not give up. His love is relentless.

      I heard it described as an obsession. The Lord is obsessed with loving his people. I read Deuteronomy over the summer and as the Lord speaks through Moses he says he knows these people will turn away from Him again. He knew they would build walls of sin again Him. He knew they would abandon Him, forget Him. But He continued to bless them, He never gave up, not for Israel and not for the church today. While reading I could't believe the people would be so stupid. To not accept His love, to not obey His word, the hypocrite that I am. 

      The Bible says that faith is a gift, and that we all have a certain measure. I used to think I must have gotten the last drops at the bottom of the bottle because I had to fight to believe. But through my life, my faith has grown stronger. And I am glad I was so skeptical for so long because my search has always been for truth. Truth. Not tradition, not comfort. Truth. And the truth is that God loves me. And all of my friends, all of my family. All of the world and I have the chance to share that. 

      When I sat down to write today the reason was because I came across the idea (while watching lifechurch) that "what moves God the most is God". When I heard that all of my confusion about how faith is a gift of God started to make sense. I used to worry about faith being a gift, because what if all that really meant is we are a bunch of people making up faith in our head that doesn't exist? But I was born with eternity in my heart, we all believe in a form of God, we all long for permanent existence. And a reason is because when you're a parent it's not about how much your child loves you, it's about how much you love your child. It's about  how much God loves us. I don't have to feel weird asking God to give me faith, it is His pleasure to pour it out on me. I can ask Him to help me to love him more because I have been tainted by sin and the world and I need his help. He loves me unconditionally, it's not always the other way around. 

Psalm 119:41-43

Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD,

your salvation according to your promise;

then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me,

for I trust in your word.

And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth,

for my hope is in your rules.

Psalm 119:73

"Your hands have made and fashioned me;

give me understanding that I may learn your commandments."

You Have Called Higher

"I could just sit
I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness
Hope to feel Your presence"

As I sit in my room, mostly packed to leave for the summer these words resound in my head. I am going to serve this summer, at Camp Wow. Yet, I have not sought the Lords face through His Word in days. I feel lonely lately, like the world is moving so fast and I am struggling in last place with nobody on the sidelines to cheer me on. I know I am so blessed, I know Jesus died for my sins and wants the best life for me, which is the life fully devoted to serving Him. I know I have people who care about me in the world, I KNOW I am not alone. But sometimes I forget, or else ignore these facts. I sit and wait. I sit and I wait for Gods presence. I allow myself to become lazy and unfeeling towards the Lord of the universe who fights for my affection. I hope to feel Him, I hope all the while sinking into my own loneliness. Although I am "going". I am going to Camp Wow, I will go to church on Sunday, I will do these outward things I am not becoming a woman after Gods own heart, I am becoming an empty room instead, a fruitless garden because I am focusing on my own life, the things I need to get done today and the feelings I have right now instead of setting my eyes on Jesus and keeping my mind fixed on what Paul tells us to think on in Philippians 4 "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable... is excellent or praiseworthy"

"But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where You will lead me Lord"

This song, by All sons and Daughters, has been a favorite of mine and has always struck me as an anthem to do big things for God, a reminder that God is big and deep and gives us the power to be the same. But these big things start on a small scale, and today as it played I was really convicted of not allowing myself to go higher and deeper with my every day life, because these days I have now are the building block for my future. I will not allow myself to leave the Lords presence today. I will fight for the higher life He has called me to. I will write His words on my heart and delight in the rather than trying to find things in this world to delight in. He is my portion in life and I will not fall into the trick of Satan to worry on all all that is to come. I would like to end this post with another of my favorite passages 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?"